If you have ADHD, there’s a good chance you’ve found your own ways to self-medicate and take the edge off. That morning coffee. The evening glass of wine. The afternoon slump snacks, the scrolling, the constant busyness. These aren’t the actions of someone seeking a high, it’s more that we’re just trying to meet the needs that our ADHD brains are craving, namely stimulation, variety, novelty and calm.
In other words, we’re just trying to feel okay and get through the day.
That’s self-medicating ADHD in a nutshell. It’s a completely natural response to the discomfort of under-managed ADHD, so there’s no shame in it at all. It’s still worth taking a gentle, honest look at it though, because if we keep using things to manage these moments in our day, it can end up costing us much more than we bargained for.
Why people with ADHD self-medicate
The ADHD brain works differently with dopamine and norepinephrine, the chemical messengers that help regulate motivation, focus, reward and calm. That means our brains are often over-stimulated and searching for calm, or under-stimulated and searching for a quick lift, and the things we reach for can feel like they’re filling a real need. Because in a way, they are…
We tend to reach for something when we’re stuck in the ADHD states that are uncomfortable to sit with on our own:
- Overwhelm and rumination
- Restlessness, or being revved up and buzzing
- Poor sleep, tired with low energy and low mood
- No motivation, or feeling bored and flat or in transition
What we habitually reach for works fast, feels like we have some control over it, and soothes those states, which is why it’s so easy to keep going back to.
What this looked like for me
For me, self-medicating began with food. At three or four I was climbing the pantry shelves like a wee Spider-Man to get at the jam and eating it by the spoonful! Or sneaking to the fridge at night for a big bite of cheese. 🙂 This wasn’t me being hungry. I was restless, sleepless, bored or flat and trying to change how I felt the only way I knew how.
Over the years I needed to add even more of these fixes to maintain the status quo: tea and coffee (with three sugars!), chocolate, sweets, cereal (sugars of all types, let’s face it, I wasn’t fussy). By the time I was just 11 I was already hooked, and then I added nicotine! Then boys, and eventually of course alcohol. For me, all of this constant, daily self-medicating grew into harmful addictive patterns that ended up costing me more and more while giving less and less of what I was originally looking for 🙁
Signs self-medicating has become a problem
Self-medicating numbs the uncomfortable stuff so well that it’s easy to overlook, or even deny, how much it’s actually taking. Maybe the one glass of wine has quietly become three, and you find yourself planning your evenings around it. Maybe you can’t start the day without your coffee, you’re noticeably grumpy or foggy until you’ve had it, and you find yourself having more and more as the day goes on. Maybe it’s starting to affect your sleep or your anxiety, and you still can’t seem to take a break or have less. If any of that sounds true for you, that’s a clue that it might have become more than just self-soothing. (My free checklist below goes into the signs in more detail.)
The trap here is that the quick dopamine hit never quite meets the needs underneath. With repeated use, the brain’s reward system adapts, so everyday moments of joy and contentment start to feel flatter, and we need more and more just to feel okay. Over time, this cycle can start to cost us our health, relationships, work, finances, self-care and, ultimately, our peace of mind.
Healthier ways to meet the real needs
The good news is that you’re not alone, and this cycle is fixable. The needs underneath are real, and many are neurological, not just passing feelings. They can be met in ways that actually work, through coaching, sometimes medication, or both. For example:
- The after-work drink to unwind and feel at ease socialising could become building social confidence, small-talk skills and healthier ways to let go of the day’s stress.
- The glass of wine to get through making dinner could become making dinner easier by simplifying, sharing or delegating it and/or switching the wine for a mocktail.
- The quick boost when the tank’s empty could become finding healthier ways to top up your energy and motivation or shifting your tasks and demands at specific times of the day to fit your energetic needs.
Where to start if you’re self-medicating
We can’t change what we don’t see or acknowledge, so the first stage of change is simply awareness: noticing what you reach for, when you reach for it, and what it might be costing you. Not to shame yourself, just honest, non-judgmental curiosity, and that’s where change starts.
If you recognise yourself in any of this and you’re curious about what change could look like, start here with my free checklist, 5 Signs You Might Be Self-Medicating Your ADHD. It’ll help you spot your own patterns and begin to increase your awareness.
Or if you already know what it’s costing you and you’re ready for some action steps, book a free, no-obligation discovery call and we can talk about how coaching can support the changes you’re craving.
